My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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