need another drink. this is the easiest way
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize