Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
