I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
