I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize