well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
