wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize