I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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