the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize