yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
