I wish I could teleport
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My vagina just clenched in fear
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
