Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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