don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
