just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
