Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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