whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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