I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
