Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
