At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
