Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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