You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
not ubering you a puppy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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