is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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