I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
