i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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