I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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