Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
