It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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