I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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