Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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