Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
