its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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