Got a toothbrush?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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