Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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