Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
