I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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