Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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