The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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