Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize