Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
