Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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