i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
