The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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