We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
