wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
