You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize