So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
