I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
