Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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