I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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