Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
