Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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