So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got chris browned last night
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
