This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
