dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
