Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
babies were throwing up all over the place
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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