hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
