just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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