Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
