You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
