wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
