can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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