so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
