so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
