Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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