What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
