Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think I just sharted jello shots
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