The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
