weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
