I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
