She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
