We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
