i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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